My musings on the writing we have been doing the past few weeks. Read if you feel like it.
The writing process is not easy. I think too many students think that if they are struggling with creating a piece that they just aren't good at writing. I think we have this image in our head of the artist who seems to create pieces with ease. I remember watching that paint-paint-dab-dab painter on PBS with the big hair. He made painting look so easy. When he was done, he had a beautiful night sky. But seriously, he had painted that picture before! He did not just think up the idea and then paint it. He prepared for the show!
For all the parents who listened to their frustrated children struggle to find a topic, I want you to know that I am struggling with the piece that I want to write for this current assignment too! There is some comfort in being told exactly what to write! I feel like I am floating.
I think my problem is I want to write something that is too difficult. Do you know how Einstein was trying to figure out the one equation that would explain the how the Universe worked? Well, I feel like I am on the same quest! I spend my days observing Nature and humanity. I read. I muse. I analyze. I try to take all the disparate pieces of information and turn them into an orderly explanation of the meaning of life. I am waiting for that cliched moment when the clouds part and the ray of light illuminates the answer. Ahhhhh! "It is clear now! I am supposed to be doing ..."
Instead, I lay my head down at night and say I will try again tomorrow. People say I think about things too much. They say it must drive me nuts. It does. But I must like life that way. Maybe that is why I will never find the answer; maybe I have found an answer, but because I question everything, I moved on. Maybe there is no answer and I will never figure it out, even on my death bed!
I have been playing with the idea of paradigms and delusions. A paradigm is a way of seeing things; it's like the glasses you see the world through. Some people see the world as a harsh place out to get them and their stuff. That is a lame example. Religions have a paradigm as well. Their books explain the world as such and such a place. Events happen because... You should be doing... There are other paradigms, but the point is we all evaluate the world based on some type of viewpoint or measuring stick.
But what happens when the world does not fit into that paradigm? What if the viewpoint does not cover all circumstances? Then what? What will happen is a paradigm shift. The way of seeing things has to be slightly adjusted or even changed.
But what if that change is too hard for the brain to deal with? How can we cope when things don't fit into our decided world view? Life becomes uncomfortable until the adjustment is made. Another coping mechanism would be to lie or delude ourselves that everything is fine. We have great imaginations. What if we just convince ourselves that what we don't accept is actually not as we think it is. Take this quote for example:
Our conscious motivations, ideas, and beliefs are a blend of false information, biases, irrational passions, rationalizations, prejudices, in which morsels of truth swim around and give the reassurance albeit false, that the whole mixture is real and true. The thinking processes attempt to organize this whole cesspool of illusions according to the laws of plausibility. This level of consciousness is supposed to reflect reality; it is the map we use for organizing our life.” ― Erich Fromm, To Have or to Be? The Nature of the Psyche
Paradigm shifts, delusions, reality, truth? This could turn into some late night, stare-at-the-stars philosophy session. Awesome! I love to read philosophy, theology, scientific theory, rational theory, and any other way people express what they think this universe is about. My head swims with words and ideas from people. Yet I find no peace.
I keep thinking I should just pick one and stick with it. But that does not satisfy. The only way to move forward would be to delude myself that the one I chose is THE answer. Each has its weakness, yet together they don't all equal one thing. Do they?
Or maybe this is my delusion.
Maybe there is an answer, but I have convinced myself that there is no way to figure it out. How would I know anyway? One theory I like is that we are living in a computer simulation. How can I prove we are not? Some say evolution. Some say God. How can I prove it's not one or the other... or both? We only know so much?
Maybe I am going crazy? Ponder this:
“All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.”
Ambrose Bierce quotes (American Writer, Journalist and Editor, 1842-1914)
So, to get back to why I wrote this piece. I wanted to show why I was having so much difficulty getting what I wanted to say out. I have struggled through three essays... wait, four. They all went nowhere. I thought I would try it one more time. This time I spent some time reading quotes and ideas. Maybe this is the paper I was supposed to write anyway.
Maybe I am just supposed to close this computer and go home. It's Friday, and I get to spend the weekend with family. Maybe that is what life is about? However, I am sure after a few days at the in-laws, I will alter my meaning of life.
"It's all good"
(the ultimate delusion that I want to spend time in)
