Opps! Sections 2 and 3 are writing narratives right now.

This is the rubric I will be using to score their narratives.  We explored the differences between each level in class today.  They do not have to an expert in this, but they should be aware of what their narratives should contain.  Right now we are reading "The Chase" by Annie Dillard.  The event is easy enough to understand, but the story itself is challenging.  I am going to have the students analyze the story for the elements contained in this rubric.

Personal Narrative Score

 Common Core Traits

6  (A+)

• Development Has an engaging introduction that orients readers; develops

events with strong dialogue and description; provides a strong conclusion

• Organization Establishes a natural and logical sequence of events; uses

effective pacing and transitions to convey sequence

• Language Maintains a clear point of view; uses relevant descriptive details and

vivid sensory language; shows a command of conventions

5  (A)

• Development Has an effective introduction; develops events with dialogue

and description; provides a conclusion that sums up the narrative

• Organization Has a logical sequence of events; uses mostly effective pacing

and some transitions to signal shifts in time

• Language Maintains a point of view; includes relevant descriptive details and

some sensory language; has a few errors in conventions

4 (B)

• Development Has an introduction, but doesn’t provide context; could

use more dialogue or description to develop events; provides an adequate

conclusion

• Organization Has a logical sequence of events but needs more transitions

• Language Mostly maintains a point of view; needs more descriptive details

and sensory language; includes a few distracting errors in conventions

3 (C)

• Development Has an introduction, but needs more development; needs more

dialogue and description; lacks a strong conclusion

• Organization Has a confusing sequence due to unnecessary events; has a slow

pace at times; needs more transitions to convey sequence

• Language Has some lapses in point of view; lacks effective descriptive details

and sensory language; has some major errors in conventions

2 (D)

• Development Lacks an effective introduction and fails to develop events

• Organization Includes distracting events; has choppy pacing

• Language Lacks a clear point of view; mostly lacks details and sensory

language; has many errors in conventions

1  (F)

• Development Has no introduction; lacks descriptive details; ends abruptly

• Organization Has no transitions and an unclear sequence of events

• Language Has no clear point of view, no effective details or sensory language;

has major errors in conventions

Preliminary Themes from Sections 2 and 3

I don't want students to write about an event just to tell us what happened.  The story they tell should have meaning- for them and for us.  Here are some lessons the students will be writing about.

1.    Persistence and curiosity can make great discoveries.

2.    That everyone is important Practice makes perfect:)

3.    Even the worst day can turn out to be awesome.

4.    Be young while you can Always do your best!

5.    There's a silver lining to every cloud.

6.    With Persistence and dedication, along with drive and a goal, you can do anything.

7.    Mankind will prevail.

8.    If you set your mind to something you'll be able to accomplish it

9.    To know weather you get sea sick or not so you can take medication in advance.

10. Even if you are afraid to do something you should always still do it because something good will come out of it.

11. Lessons from yesterday can transform today.

12. Don't push yourself past your limit.

13. Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.

14. You must learn to know when to turn the page, and move on instead of holding onto the past.

15. If you ask many times you can get what you want.

16. Never let fear make a decision for you.

17. Everything is not as scary as it seems, you may even like it.

18. Try things even if you think you won't succeed because you may surprise yourself and do better than you though you would.

19. If you practice what you need accomplished you will be better at it.

20. Do not give up.

21. Always try something before you say you don't like it.

22. Stay with a parent or guardian at all times.

23. Even the most unexpected thing can happen.

24. Test On non-living first not on yourself.

25. Double check even the simplest things.

26.  

27. Daily routines can change, you just have to adapt to it and deal with it.

28. Work hard and you can achieve anything.

29. Never believe that you can't do something.

30. In the end, nothing will be wasted, it will all pay off eventually.

31. If you believe in yourself anything is possible.

32. Always have the courage to try something new.

33. Despite hardships and troubles, you can always do the right thing to prevent others from facing the same ordeals.

34. If you keep trying and believe in yourself, you will be able to accomplish a big goal.

35. No one is around forever.

36. Never take anyone for granted.

37. Christmas has lots of rewards.

38. Never deem anything useless. It could be useful in the future.

39. Never give up.

40. Consider the consequences of an idea before launching it into action.

41. You don't have to agree with everything the government does.

42. Creativity and persistence can lead to great things. 

43. Some people just don’t listen.

44. The most unexpected action that happen to you can make a huge advantage.

45. When you are doing something never, never, never give up! Never give up.

46. If you give up it is worse then failing.

47. How I turned one of the grossest days and an atmosphere I hate into one of the best days and had a lot of fun!

48. Never throw a snowball of ice at someone's face.

49. Maybe if you try hard enough and not give up, you will one day succeed.

50. That to live a pleasant life, you don't need to finish traditional education, and if you really drop out of school to focus on a life long goal (it has to be something good) with effort, you will meet that distant target.

51. Don’t over think and stress out too much. Just trust your skills and have fun.

52. Not everything is what it seems; during the boring and the bad weather days you can still have fun.

53. The dangers of ignorance.

54. There is no "I" in "Team"

55. Don't give up and try your best.

56. Always try new things and take chances.

57. Never trust people that you don’t know.

(Thank you for entering these on the form.)

Preliminary Hooks from Sections 2 and 3

As part of brainstorming for their narratives, I asked the students to submit their themes and hooks.  I wanted them to have a vision for their piece.  I also wanted them to practice grabbing the readers' attention.  If you are interested, here are the hooks the students wrote.  In class, we paired them with some themes for some funny expositions.

"and the kid ate the berries, and then just poof! he seemed to stop being stupid, he was behaving himself in class and still has been." this caught my attention this definatly wasnt the regular drama this story really seemed to interest me. it seemed like they just fixed this kids stupidity. but how?

A buttery snowflake soared out his mouth and slid down my cheek, leaving a trail of buttery, slippery mess.

The next time your parents tell you to go outside and play, do it. You never know – you might end up discovering the world’s next major power source. That is what happened to me, a tall boy of 13 years, when I discovered manachite in Northern Utah years ago. It happened in winter, and a particularly snowy winter at that...

Have you ever had something that you thought you could never do or accomplish? I have. At all the schools in my district there is one test that students hate, or dislike very much. (At least for the regular students) This test is called the “DCAS”, it is an acronym for Delaware Comprehensive Assessment System. It is a computerized test that all students from grades 2-10 have to take. It has always been a challenge for me, until this year.

yelling runing coming from the fields i thought it was a intruder in the school

It's unusual to arrive at someone's house at 9:00 in the morning on any day so when the doorbell rang on Christmas Day at 9:00 I was highly confused.

Youshould read my peice beacause you can find out the way cancer was cured and that is interesting

Have you ever wanted to save thousands of lives? With the new cure I found now I'll be able to do this everyday. My grandfather died from Alzheimer's and this encouraged me to write about this topic.

Aliens. We have searched for them for centuries, yet they were with us all along...

Log entry #1"Test #1 my first experiment on this tear in space that I found in this warehouse off of Gean ave, New York." "This thing I see is just a spiral of rainbows going on forever." "For my first experiment I'll use myself, And If anyone finds this log tell my family I love them." It took me a second to get myself together and I jumped in...

Over 300 people die of osteosarcoma around the world every year. I treated around 95 cases of osteosarcoma in my residency alone. I knew this cancer needed a cure, so i was going to find it. I knew other surgeons had attempted to find a cure, but i had a drive that no one else had. My daughter had a 65% chance of contracting Osteosarcoma. I had to find a cure for her, my family, my husband, for myself.

As lunch was coming to an end, the teacher was about to announce the winner. My heart was beating as fast as a cheetah going for a kill.

Sweat trickeled down my forehead. "I'll count to three and spot you." He had said. "One.....Two..." And I started to thrust back.  Only I didn't feel him spot me which got me frightened. I snapped back and stood up. I did it!

it was a beautiful sunny saturday in september. it was that time of year again- the time the carnival came to town. every year was just like the others-the year i dont ride anything and wast the tickets. why should this year be any different? but i was sick of being called a baby and a punk by my older sister when i was 10. this year was the year: I. Proved. Them. WRONG.

I have found the cure for death!

I walked into the back room and st down in the cold metal chair.  I laid my music on the blue plastic stand and started playing my trumpet.

Imagine, an old lady sleeping at 2 o'clock in the morning  and she feels water on her face, her apartment is flooding!

It was unexpected... horrible... and it changed everything. Irma Jane Moyer was always there, sitting on the porch with the door unlocked just waiting, watching the Phillies game and greeting anyone and everyone who walked through that door. And when she left, no one was the same... not the Philles games, or the Thanksgiving dinners, or the Christmas gatherings... None of it. But the worst part, was that little gathering...

you would like to read my piece because imagine eating the fanciest dinner on a cruise ship and then having your friends go back to their room because of the waves of the ocean are makiing them sick? because i have then we were going to have a flash mob 20 of us then over half went back to their room. having to dance for around 100 people when there are only 5-8 of you... scary stuff!

It was just an amazing moment when I opened my report card and saw... STRAIGHT A'S!!!

The government has been in a alliance with the russian officials. the americans have been funding the nuclear devices to create conflict with other contries, no one else knows about about it until 2036.

This was it. All I had to do was tell everyone. But I was scared. Scared that what I created wouldn't be accepted

It was just a normal day in gymnastics class. We were just waiting in line to do our front handsprings on the Tumble Track. Then, my turn came. I ran all the way to the end of the Tumble Track, getting ready to do my front handspring. Then, the tragic accident that scarred me for life happened.

"Ugh" I said to myself as i got out of bed the first day of 6th grade. What time is it? I looked at my clock as the alarm went off. BEEP BEEP BEEP. I couldnt take it. I climbed out of bed and went into the shower, not ready to face what was next.

ACE! My serve sailed across the net and hit the floor. The score was 10-1 HB was beating AI. I took the ball and got in my position and got ready to serve.

I slapped the desk in frustration again, with another promising theory disproved. The world was in the throes of a post-nuclear nightmare, and I was in the last vestige of civilization, trying to create a faster-than-light starship with my fellow researchers. Yes ,I know that the odds of doing that is close to zero, 0.0045% to be exact, but nevertheless I have prevailed with almost every aspect, except for the engine. It used just too much energy for nuclear fusion to provide.

Taking place 7000-9000 years away from this present time period, an invention, a spark of an idea takes place, to save maybe the whole planet from total destruction. Some say it is impossible, for to complete the world must unite. But to survive, the project "Recreation of a Galaxy" must begin.

The screeching of the garage door anounced my parents return from Home Depot. They entered the house with odd grins on their faces. Something was definetly up.    "How was Home Depot?" I asked.    " We didn't go."  I was confused. If they didn't go to Home Depot, where did they go?

"They're after me" I thought, "The civilians. The madmen. The people." The civilians want revenge. The madmen want more. And the people either love or hate me.

My piece is about how sometimes things are less frightening than they seem, and if you allow yourslef to relax. You may even have fun doing it.

I peered out the window of my lone London flat, the premature dawn's light burning holes in my eyes. All the buildings outside were still gone, razed and now dilapidated heaps of smoking rubble. I wondered what damage the virus had done outside of my quarantined community.

My peice will include an interesting subject that is not talked about much. the begining of my essay will take place in the future but then will later go back to the past to explain how i got in to this situation ( kind of like the begining of megamind movie). I find that energy is a interesting subject to talk about.

My two cousins  and I are  on a summer vacation and we   wanted to take a hike in the woods to just talk about girl stuff away from our  parents. So then we had to look for a necklace that got lost  and then we got lost.It was dark and we really couldn't see but an hour or so later we had been captured by a mysterious creature that was just suppose to be a legendary myth (big foot).I  happened to get away to go get help and tell our parents but would they believe me? Would they even let me explain why I  came back in the middle of the night without my cousins?Would we even find them before they have been eaten?

There’s nothing in the world like lazing the puck past the goalie. It’s an indescribable feeling.

Then as the wave caught the tube, the tube pulled me down with it! Then my arms got trapped and I got freaked out. My chin slammed against the rough hard ground and all I saw was blood.

It was a sunny Saturday in the summer of 2012.A reagular Saturday that I go to church. On our way the paster calls my dad and asks if I can sing. Of course he said yes. So the paster said the singer of the church got sick.......... To be continued

I was flying down the mountain, feeling on top of the world when I crashed. As I slid down the mountain, trying to stop myself, I looked behind. A snowboarder had lost control of his board and had crashed into me, sending his board into my hip. As I tried to stand up there was an aching pain in my hip, like someone was cutting my limbs off. That was it, I was done skiing on black ski slopes. …or so I thought.

I could feel my palms, hot and sweating as I wiped them against my khaki shorts. I could feel the butterflies fluttering in my stomach as if saying, “We don’t want to go we’re too nervous.”

I woke up on Tuesday February 22, 2011 and there was a lot of white on the ground. Would school be cancelled?

And I walked into class dreading her. She rose up and like a dragon about to attack a village surveyed us and than with the flick of a switch put on her mask and became some angel. I just began to read that's better than just listening to This class.

I had always wanted to go parasailing and now that we were here I knew I had to do it. But I just couldn’t help but let my mind wander and think about everything that could go wrong. What if something went wrong with the parachute? Or what if the rope snapped?

My piece could give you tips on how you can have a good day in school, test well, and have the day go by really fast. Lots of kids always want to know how to have a fast easy and fun day at school because most don't really like school. So my narrative will be about how you could feel different about school.

Do you remember what it is like to go to bed on Christmas Eve so excited that you can’t fall asleep no matter what you do?  You lie in your bed and even try counting sheep but nothing works.  Finally, I must have fallen asleep because it is now Christmas morning.

If you didn't get a chance to see the H.B. field hockey team's big game last year at semi-championships, or want to hear the story from a player's perspective, you've got to read my narrative! It's got specific details from the game, and it's all from a whole new perspective! By reading this, you will almost experience what it's like out on the big field!

I stepped out of my cabin, letting the door slam behind me, and ran down the hill towards the small beach, my towel fluttering behind me.  There was a slight breeze down by the lake, perfect weather for learning how to windsurf.  My friend’s mom Janet, my neighbor, had spent her summers on the water and had started windsurfing at a young age.  On this lovely Saturday morning she decided that she would give my older brother, Hunter, and me windsurfing lessons.  I had wanted to windsurf for a few years and I was very excited that I had this opportunity, but as the lessons came closer I began to feel nervous, unsure, and skeptical of my strength and ability to lift the heavy sail out of the water.

Just a regular day in a field with many rockets all around, each rocket with many hours their creators spent on each to make their rocket look the best and be the best at launch. My rocket was like any other it should fly and slowly fall back down, of course my rocket would be different.

Moving can be a terrifying experience. One of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do was to move into a new house and go to a new school. Change can be difficult. I had expected the new school and house to be a horrible place. What I didn’t realize was that it would impact me to be a stronger person.

"We had to take attendance first and then change into our pajamas. I changed into my Bratz pajamas and I just thought I was the cutest thing on Earth."

I looked up to the canopy of the tall oak trees blocking the sun, only allowing  a few sun rays to touch the rocky ground. I looked down, and only saw loose rocks ready for me to step on and fall to a very agonizing death. Looking ahead only gave me a glimpse of fear of what I had left: an infinite staircase to the invisible peak of the mountain.

Have you ever wanted something so bad but you were afraid to try it because you thought you were going to fail?  That is exactly how I felt about trying out for the co-ed HB soccer team in 8th grade.

It was finally time to see who made the team. I looked at the list and my heart sank. My name was not on it.

It was a dreary night. Most grocery stores were in ruins. A sad attitude hung around in the air. There was even no moon. People were panicking on the streets. As people had predicted, it happened on November 21st, 3742.

My heart was pounding. Sweat dripped down my face. All I could hear was my heavy breathing and the sound of the expeditive heart moniter. The rapid beeps suddenly turned to a low continuous ring. It felt as if my eyelids were ripped shut, like curtains. The bright lights turned to darkness. Had my greatest fear come true?

I've never really learned my lesson when it comes to snooping around, until now.

Some of the reasons you might consider to read my essay that you can learn some morals and learn how how successful my life turned out to be. Hook sentence is-  It was a typical Saturday night, and I was working late because I was working on a jet of an air plane, but suddenly tripped on a bolt and dropped it somehow landed right in front of a tire of a car. This sentence then was followed up with me think about hovercraft and makes it a little interesting. Then I go and talk about me inventing the hovercraft and how famous and rich I was.

Section 1: Outline for Raymond's Run Analysis Piece

How do the plot, setting, and characters contribute to the theme of the story “Raymond’s Run.”

Theme: You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.

Students should have details about the plot and setting by now.  We have spent time in class examining the plot of the story.  We made a story map.  I also gave students time today to explore the setting. This piece will be due sometime next week.

1.     How does the plot of the story help us to understand the theme?

a.     Write a quick summary of the story in two sentences.

b.     How do the different scenes of the story help you learn the theme?

c.     Can you think of a better way to teach the lesson?

d.     Be sure to use specific examples and quotes from the text. 

2.     What is the setting, and how does it contribute to the theme?

a.     What is the setting specifically?

b.     Why do you think she chose the setting?

c.     How does the setting help you understand the theme better?

d.     Would the story be different in another setting? How do you know?

e.     Be sure to use specific examples and quotes from the text. 

3.     Who are the characters? Describe their interactions.  How does the writer use the characters to convey the theme?

a.     The writer created characters for her story. Who are the characters in the story?

b.     Who is the main character? Describe her.

c.     Who are the other characters? How does each interact with the main character?

d.     What does each contribute to the conflict and the theme?

e.     Be sure to use specific examples and quotes from the text. 

Quickie

Homework:

• Sections 2 and 3 discussed themes, hooks, and exposition today.  We also quickly looked at the issues they are having with the Holt online scoring, namely the length problem.  We will do more lessons before the final draft is due. So they can work on their expositions if they feel moved to.
• Section 1 does not have any homework.

We had DCAS again today.

The homework is the same as yesterday.

I did ask sections 2 and 3 to fill out this form for discussion tomorrow.

I updated grades in section 1.  I finished grading the analysis paper on "The Elevator."  We will discuss the results sometime in the future.  The students will be writing another analysis on "Raymond's Run" soon, so I will help them improve their writing before they turn in a final draft.